Draft 1:
Is the question in Gloria Anzaldua's essay how to tame a wild tongue, or rather, who tames a wild tongue? Throughout the author's life, her language and through it her identity are under attack by those around her. They vary in gender, heritage and the language they themselves speak, but the message is always the same: you are not good enough. Language is important to us all, but not only internalizes it, she defines herself by it, even as it is altered by those around her.
Draft 2:
Is the question in Gloria Anzaldua's essay how to tame a wild tongue, or rather, who tames a wild tongue? Throughout the author's life her language and through it her identity are under attack by those around her; but who is she really? There is the identity from the country to which she was born, the identity from which her family came, and the identity of neither and at the same time both. The attacks she recieves vary in gender, and identity of origin, comprising of language and heritage, but the message is always the same: you are not good enough. Does this mean that my identity is "american" since that is the only side pulling on my inner self? In no way is that true. Language is important to us all, but not all of us internalize it to the point that we feel completely defined by it, in which case our self image can be manipulated by those around us who distain for our words.

I made the decisions i made for a few reasons. First i chose the opening paragraph to change the most *(at this point) becuase i really need a good jumping point ,and i like to write straight through my essay without an outline, so if need my aray of information already infront of me in the opening. Then i added some of myself to the paragraph. i don't really have much of that in the paper yet, but i'm working on it, so this is just a place to start from. At least i'm in there now. Then i tried to make the paragraph more relatable to, not just a regergatation of what was going on in the essay.

so for the next part of the assignment i'm not really sure waht your talking about, but i'll do my best cuz i'm running out of working time (need more sleep)
here goes.
wait i'm just suposed to pick a sentance to revise more? from anything or my paper? i'll do the paper.

old:
Throughout the author's life, her language and through it, her identity are under attack by those around here.

new:
Throughout the author's life, her language and through it her identity are under attack by those around her; but who is she really?

is sort of just added an end part, to try to get more to my point, which, however, isn't completely developed.
the end.

The author i'm conversing with is Gloria Anzaldua i suppose, and the page number of the paragraph is 165, right near the begining. The paragraph begins:"I want you to speak English."
In my paper my main points are how other affect the authors view of herself. Even her own mother was "mortified that i spoke english like a mexican." This hurts her own view of herself, if she can't use her own voice and speak the way she wants to. Later on in her life she went off to college where she was "required to take two speech classes. The purpose: to get rid of [her] accent."
Anzaldua throughout her life is told that her language and the way she speaks it are not good enought for the world she lives in, both her mother and her education shame her into feeling that speaking like mexican is wrong and should never be done.
Anzaldua feels shamefull about the way she speaks due to the influence of others.
I understand the university policy on plagersim.