Draft 1:
Is the question in Gloria Anzaldua's essay how to tame a wild tongue, or rather, who tames a wild tongue? Throughout the author's life, her language and through it her identity are under attack by those around her. They vary in gender, heritage and the language they themselves speak, but the message is always the same: you are not good enough. Language is important to us all, but not only internalizes it, she defines herself by it, even as it is altered by those around her.
Draft 2:
Is the question in Gloria Anzaldua's essay how to tame a wild tongue, or rather, who tames a wild tongue? Throughout the author's life her language and through it her identity are under attack by those around her; but who is she really? There is the identity from the country to which she was born, the identity from which her family came, and the identity of neither and at the same time both. The attacks she recieves vary in gender, and identity of origin, comprising of language and heritage, but the message is always the same: you are not good enough. Does this mean that my identity is "american" since that is the only side pulling on my inner self? In no way is that true. Language is important to us all, but not all of us internalize it to the point that we feel completely defined by it, in which case our self image can be manipulated by those around us who distain for our words.
I made the decisions i made for a few reasons. First i chose the opening paragraph to change the most *(at this point) becuase i really need a good jumping point ,and i like to write straight through my essay without an outline, so if need my aray of information already infront of me in the opening. Then i added some of myself to the paragraph. i don't really have much of that in the paper yet, but i'm working on it, so this is just a place to start from. At least i'm in there now. Then i tried to make the paragraph more relatable to, not just a regergatation of what was going on in the essay.
so for the next part of the assignment i'm not really sure waht your talking about, but i'll do my best cuz i'm running out of working time (need more sleep)
here goes.
wait i'm just suposed to pick a sentance to revise more? from anything or my paper? i'll do the paper.
old:
Throughout the author's life, her language and through it, her identity are under attack by those around here.
new:
Throughout the author's life, her language and through it her identity are under attack by those around her; but who is she really?
is sort of just added an end part, to try to get more to my point, which, however, isn't completely developed.
the end.
posted by Snap_Crackle at 7:05 PM
1 Comments:
Rachel,
I think the transition between these sentences might need furter elucidation:
"The attacks she recieves vary in gender, and identity of origin, comprising of language and heritage, but the message is always the same: you are not good enough. Does this mean that my identity is "american" since that is the only side pulling on my inner self?"
By "enough", as a reader, I'm feeling like you are pointing out the struggle Anzaldua is facing and so I sympathize with Anzaldua and assume you do too. But then the sentence "Does this..." SOUNDS more like a passive agressive attack, almost accusatory in tone, so I'm left a little ocnfused as to where you situate yourself in relation to her (granted i ONLY have this one paragraph to look at). If you are siding WITH her, perhaps reword your personal question so as not to sound accusatory. If you find something she's doing problematic, then you might not want to word your summary of the essay in terms that make Anzaldua seem victimized, because then your subsequent attack comes off like a bully, know what I mean? If you need more clarification here, feel free to drop by my office this friday at either noon or 1pm.
7:54 AM
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